How to live well (even when there's so much you can't control)

Back at the start of 2020, who would have thought a pandemic would toss people, places and plans up in the air and the world would be as it is now?

If nothing else, it’s shown us we can’t control everything that happens in life (as if we needed a reminder about that!)

Countries, communities, and individuals reacted and continue to adjust to an unfamiliar and often bewildering landscape, along with a bunch of ‘new normals’.

It’s a global curveball that, through lockdowns, the loss of lives, jobs, freedom, structure, and connectedness has in many ways taken away that thing we don’t give up lightly - individual choice and control.

Or has it?

It’s true, measures were needed to keep people as safe as possible in the face of the largely unknown. And no matter how hard you wish, you can’t choose or control everything that happens, but you are in charge of how you choose to respond and move forward. Whether it’s in regular daily life or under extraordinary circumstances, you are the self-leader and the CEO of your life.

Being the CEO of your life

While life can feel full of pressure to be and do everything, getting caught up in that and constantly striving to meet others’ expectations or measuring yourself against a pile of ‘shoulds’ has consequences.

It can make life feel ‘hard’, out of control, overwhelming; a complete struggle. You’re just surviving. Even thinking about that now, you can probably feel the impact it’s having on your health – emotionally, mentally, physically and spiritually.

Just as the CEO is the highest-ranking executive manager and decision-maker of his or her organisation, you’re the CEO who leads, manages, operates, and sets the direction of your life.

You’re the one who decides and guides what your course towards a full, satisfying, and well-lived life will be.

But if that’s not where things are at right now, and you’re reacting to whatever comes along, press pause because it’s time to take stock. Looking at where you are and refocusing on where you want to be, is going to move you away from “reactionary living” to living more consciously. (It’s also a strong indicator of an effective self-leader!)

Conscious living is about having clarity, living your whole life, and realising you have the power to choose what you give your attention, energy, and focus to.

While some parts of a CEO’s job can be delegated, deciding your way forward is not one of them. That’s up to you. You know yourself best and as the CEO of your life it’s a responsibility that, if given to someone else, could mean your life heads down a path that isn’t right for you.

There are some simple, effective steps you can take to refocus on who you are and what’s important to you. I call them the 4Rs.

The 4Rs

While the ‘Three Rs’ of days gone by - Reading ‘(w)Riting and (a)‘Rithmetic – focused on the academic, these 4Rs are about thoughtful contemplation that honours you and your values, while providing a roadmap towards living your life more consciously and purposefully.

• Review: What’s going well, and not well?

• Reflect: What lessons have you learned, and what are you grateful for?

• Release: What do you need to let go of?

• Reset: What do you want to focus on and what are your next immediate steps?

Rather than being selfish, pausing and considering these questions creates greater clarity and choice. It reduces pressure and stress, eases the mind and ensures your time is spent on what is truly important to you: be that community, family, whānau, friends, health, interests, or work.

It’s about reconnecting with yourself and what you want, making choices that align with your values, and reprioritising these for you to live consciously and well.

There’s also the added, deeply satisfying benefit of knowing you’re taking purposeful action. What you do each day is moving you in the direction you want to head. Finally, you can ditch those distracting, never-ending ‘To Do lists’, and the expectations and shoulds!