Why work-life balance will always remain elusive (no matter how hard you try) and what to focus on instead
/I get asked a lot about how to create work-life balance, and my response usually surprises people. Because the thing is, I don’t think it is possible, at least not in a traditional sense.
Most times the conversation starts with people talking about how stressed, frustrated or overwhelmed they are. And that no matter how hard they try they just don’t seem to be able to ‘juggle’ work and life.
When we’re stretched and stressed, life can look deceptively black and white. In this case, as though there are two parts – work and life – to get ‘right’. Achieving an even split or balance without too much stress and aggravation is the trick, right? Seems simple, huh?
Not so.
When you step back and take a good look, yours is a “whole life”. It’s neither one dimensional nor static, instead, it‘s a wonderful, and sometimes puzzling, combination of several elements that contribute to the unique individual you are, and it changes according to your stage and phase of life.
Posing the ‘work-life balance’ question lets me know there’s both dissatisfaction about your life and an awareness there’s something ‘more’ than juggling the day to day busyness and noise, even if the way forward doesn’t seem especially clear right then.
The eight elements
There are in fact eight key elements that make up your whole life, and each one has a place in a fulfilling life. Your life is a blend of your relationships, interests, health, wealth, work, and community, where you choose to live, work and play, and your ability to give, grow and develop as a person.
Getting to know your real self better and understanding the eight elements, will help you identify what most needs your attention, energy, and focus at any stage or phase of your life.
And that matters because if one or more elements is out of kilter, life will be harder than it needs to be. For example, a business owner who, overwhelmed by the busyness of business, spends little (or no) time focused on their health, relationships or interests.
Living life well
I define living well as living in alignment with who you are and what matters to you.
It requires you to honour the unique person you are, understand and revere what is truly meaningful to you, and respectfully give yourself permission to create a blend of the eight elements that is right for you. No one can tell you what the ‘right’ blend is, and it’s not a job you can delegate or outsource. You know you best, so you are the best person to figure out and combine the blend that helps you feel fulfilled.
Finally, you can stop the constant beat up of not being good enough, or not doing enough, and ditch all the “shoulds” to instead focus on living the breadth of your life.
Stress and being out of alignment
Our ‘flight or fight’ mechanism is there for a reason and when needed, it’s incredibly useful. But these days it’s common for people to experience chronic (ongoing or long-term) stress, not because there’s a threat but because they’re living out of alignment with their truth. If left unchecked the stress you feel will continue to loop in a repeating pattern which can lead to health issues, including struggling with thoughts, emotions, and illness.
Who you are and what matters most to you, your values, are like an internal compass. Stray from your own North star and you’ll feel lost, overwhelmed, anxious, depressed. You might dive into taking action, any action, so long as you’re busy because that means you’re doing something. Or find yourself unable to take a step in any direction, feeling unsure, stuck and as if your confidence is being drained away.
Choose your direction
As motivational speaker and entrepreneur, Jim Rohn said: “It’s the set of the sails, not the direction of the wind that determines which way we go.” You have the power to choose the way your sails are set but to do that, you need to step off the sidelines of your life and into the all-important driver’s seat.
When you tune in to your own internal compass, you can create a life that feels fulfilling. Which, at the end of the day, is why you crave ‘work-life balance’. It’s not so much that those two elements need to be wrangled into shape – it’s that you want to feel a sense of peace, purpose and progress. All of which are available to you when you create a life that’s fulfilling.
Rather than striving to find the elusive ‘work-life balance’, ask yourself who you really are and what matters to you. Consciously create a life that aligns with your truth, noticing that as you move between the different stages and phases of life, the blend of the eight elements will change.
It’s possible for you to live well, to live a life that feels fulfilling (not one filled with stress). Will you?