Lesson 2: Identify your values
In this lesson, you’ll learn:
What your values are
The hierarchy of your values
As you start this work, please remember that you already know your values, you just might not be consciously aware of them, yet. So, if you’re piling pressure on yourself by saying “I don’t know” or “what if I get them wrong” then rest easy, you’ve got this!
This is about YOU for YOU. Trust that the words you come up with to identify your values, are the right ones for you. There really is no right or wrong! They are your words, your values.
Before beginning:
Read through the instructions below. If you want to print them off, click here.
Print off the worksheet or grab your journal.
Grab some post-it notes or pieces of paper, a pen and a drink.
Find a place to sit undisturbed so you can focus on this work.
Identify your values instructions
Step 1. Choose the setting
Think about the setting you want to identify values for, e.g. yourself, work, home, family, intimate relationship, friends etc. Choose just one for this exercise. Repeat the exercise another time to identify your values for other settings.
Now, ask yourself, “what’s important to me about [setting]?” e.g. what’s important to me about work? Another helpful question is “what is it that I need to feel happy or a sense of joy or bliss in [setting]?”.
As you think about what’s important to you, write down what comes to mind. Avoid judging or censoring your thoughts because there’s no right or wrong, and what you write down doesn’t need to make sense or be meaningful to anyone but you.
Step 2. Remember a time
Thinking about the setting you’ve chosen, e.g. work, remember a time when you felt your happiest - you felt fulfilled, joyful or blissful. What was important to you then? Write down what comes to mind.
Step 3. Think about what’s missing
Imagine all of the values you’ve written down are 100% met, what would cause you to leave (e.g. quit your job, move to a new house, leave a relationship etc.) or to be unhappy? Write those down too.
Step 4. Group your values
Review your list and notice if there are any common themes or similar values. Group them so you have no more than 8 values.
Step 5. Write them out
Write each value on a separate post-it note or piece of paper and put them in a sequence of most important to least important. Avoid overthinking this — trust your intuition.
Now, you might be thinking “but they’re all important” and yes they are, that’s why you wrote them down. But some will be more or less important than others.
Knowing the hierarchy of your values matters because even if all your values are met if the top one isn’t fully met, you’ll feel like something is wrong, something is missing.
Step 6. Sequence them
Now let’s double-check the sequence to make sure it’s how you want it to be. Ask yourself is “x” more important than “y” or is “y” more important than “x”.
Here’s an example of some values and the initial sequence they’ve been put in:
Flexibility
Autonomy
Challenge
Fun
Passion
Growth
Is flexibility more important than autonomy, or is autonomy more important than flexibility?
Let’s say autonomy is more important, move that to the top.
Then, is flexibility more important than challenge, or is challenge more important than flexibility?
And so on.
Step 7. Confirm the sequence
Read through your values from most important to least important, does the sequence feel right? If not, have another look and move them around until they’re right for you.
Next step
The next step is a game-changer! Often, when we think about values, we use a word but without defining what it means. E.g. flexibility. Although it’s a fairly common value and there’s a dictionary definition for it, what it means to you and what it means to someone else will differ. So, it’s important to understand what your values mean to you.
To go to the Values course overview, click here.
Note: In case you're wondering where this values exercise came from, it's from the field of Neuro Linguistic Programming (NLP). NLP is known world-wide for helping people realise the power of their own mind, and to better understand the connection between thoughts, emotions and behaviours.