Why it's important to be honest with yourself

How are you?

Please be honest because the question is about you (and you matter).

But so often, we think saying something like "I'm fine" is the right or best answer. And when you do dare to share how you really feel, you brace yourself for a (well-intentioned) response like "chin up", "it'll be fine", "just get on with it" or "you'll be right". Or perhaps you hold your breath and prepare to hear what you need to do to fix yourself or the situation.

Frustrating, right 😪 Because you're smart and capable, you don't need fixing! But there is something you do need.

There’s one thing we all need to thrive

As humans, we have an inbuilt need to be seen, heard and acknowledged. It's hardwired into all of us. 

If you’ve seen the movie Avatar, you’ll know that the Na'vi tribe greet each other with "I see you". And they don't just say the words flippantly as they run out the door with a coffee in one hand, a piece of toast in the other and somehow also managing to clutch a bag or small child in between screeching "I'm late!".

They say it with meaning. With reverence. And it's beautiful.

If you've ever shared how you're feeling with someone and you've felt seen and heard, you'll know what this is about. You'll know the soul-stirring feeling of being seen. Not judged. Not criticised. Not blamed. Not laughed at. Not put down. But seen. Heard. Loved.

Pause and breathe. Let that sit with you for a moment. Seen. Heard. Loved.

Be honest with yourself, always

Now, it would be natural and normal to think you have to wait for someone else to see, hear and acknowledge you. But you don't have to wait because you can do this for yourself, now. And that's important to know because the extent to which you can be honest with yourself will be reflected in the quality of the relationships you develop with others.

So, will you practice that now? Will you ask "how are you?" and answer it honestly?