Comparing yourself to others seems innocent enough, but is it?

A person that I respect(ed) posted a photo on her Facebook business page of Meghan Markle and Kate Middleton and asked who won in the battle of royal brides and why.

What! 

Why would you want to compare two completely different people to work out who is better, to work out who the winner is?!? 

It's in no way helpful. 

But we all do it, don't we? We compare ourselves to others and other people to each other. Now, it's not that we set out to do any harm, I know that's not your intention. But comparing people isn't helpful or healthy.

What comparing is really doing

We've been bought up on comparisons. From a young age you were compared to others in terms of your height, weight, development, and then there's the comparison that happens when you get test and exam results, comparisons between you and your siblings or friends. You're not as successful as someone else, you don't make as much money and on it goes!

You're not the right height, weight, level of intelligence, you're not as quiet or loud as someone else, you're not as sporty as your friends, or as successful and so on. All of that comparing pulls at our sense of self-worth and self-esteem and ultimately affects our ability to love ourselves for who we are now.

You are YOU. You weren't born to be someone else. You weren't born to be exactly like every other child in your school, nor were you born to be like your siblings or friends, someone down the road or even someone you've never met! 

Iyanla Vanzant says this about comparison... "Comparison is an act of violence against the self."

In comparing yourself to others you hold yourself back. You play small. You hide your light and push aside what makes you uniquely you.

Think about all the things you've NOT done because you've compared yourself to others. For me, it meant that I shied away from going to dance classes, doing yoga and joining a gym. I didn't think I'd be coordinated enough, slim enough, fit enough, flexible enough and on it went. I told myself that I wasn't tall enough, I didn't have long beautiful hair or a lovely figure and that meant people wouldn't want me, a baby elephant, to come to their gym or classes. I know it sounds crazy (and I don't believe that now!) but that's where comparison leads.

What is comparison holding you back from being and doing?

It's worth considering, isn't it, because you only get to live this precious life once. So why would you want to sit on the sidelines and play small?

Model yes, but don't compare

By all means, if there's a quality or something you admire about someone, notice it and model it.

Say you want to do run a 1/2 marathon for the first time (go you!). Now, if you compare yourself to people who've run 1/2 marathons before and tell yourself you're not good enough, is that fair? No, it's not fair. They're more experienced than you. Rather than compare, model. Find out what they did to prepare for their first 1/2 marathon, ask them for tips and suggestions. By modelling, you'll feel inspired to train and take part in the event. And that's got to be a whole lot better than beating yourself up for being a terrible runner, for not being able to run as far or as fast as other runners and so on.

Beautiful, be who you are and stop comparing. YOU are you and that's whom you're supposed to be.

Let me know what came up for you as you thought about comparison has affected how you live and work. I'd love to hear from you.

If you want to go deeper into this topic and specifically look at how comparison is affecting you, your life and business, let me know. Wherever you are in the world, as long as you have access to a computer, we can connect!

Tracey Hancock is a coach and mentor passionately committed to helping people achieve their dreams and goals. Drawing on her own experience and the lessons she's learnt trying to be and do what she thought was expected of her, Tracey will guide you to live and work your way.

Ready for change and to feel more fulfilled? Contact Tracey to learn more about the REALiving approach today.